Soul Searchin

Alpha, maybe hold the Omega tho.

It’s a curious thing to translate your love language to someone and hear them speak it back. To feel their understanding when you didn’t even know if they heard you clearly. Me: “If the title of my blog was, “So about this guy I’m “seriously talking to” here’s the thing,” what would it say?!”

“I was at a bad stage in my life, wondering what it was after heartbreak. Throughout the time, I thought I would never find someone who would love me the way I wanted to be loved. But God has a special way of showing that He’s always in control. He brings people into your life that you never thought would make a difference and make a change. Until one day, I met this guy….” He says. I chuckled because, well, he’s doing this, huh?! Okay, bet. Let’s hear it. “Very funny, very handsome, he was himself…”

Men are funny, but I’ll allow it. “The first time I gave him a hug, I felt the warm embrace, genuine love, and something is different.” He went on to say. So like, have you ever hugged someone, and suddenly it was as if you’d never hugged anyone before? Like there’s something about looking into their eyes, seeing the reflection of your vulnerabilities as you allow yourself to be wrapped up in their arms. What the hell is happening here? Is what I thought, but whew I’m going to go with it, is what I did. “As we began to talk and the days passed, I found myself smiling at my phone, wanting to speak to him more. I was being appreciated the way I wanted to be appreciated.” Here’s the thing, I don’t ask for much though I deserve it all. It’s simple tho, most women just want to feel seen, heard, appreciated, and cared for. Like the safest place in the world is in his arms, throughout conversations, and where he keeps your heart. Something was calming about him even amid our chaotic realities. Somehow the unlearning from our past was made easy by simply focusing on learning our shared views of our potential future.

“I fell in love with him. I realized how happy I could be. You know, when they hold you, you can feel their warm embrace and how the hair on the back of your neck stands up. The feeling you get when they are in your arms, and you’re around them. When he holds your hand and kisses your forehead….” (the forehead kiss is a trap, ladies. Avoid at all costs. LOL, but I let him proceed.) “The way that he smiles at you, looks at you, talks to you. The way that he just wants to better himself. He’s not perfect. I never wanted a perfect man. I just wanted someone to be there for me, not because I asked him to but because they’re choosing to…” Listen, here. At this point, I am seen. I am understood. I vowed that I would never ask anyone again to be to me, for me, with me, or to do the things they should just want to. Either you’re in, or you’re not. Either you’re growing, or you’re staying the same. But I know that it’ll only happen by way of choice. He chooses me as I do him without convincing, wavering, or delay. I am not perfect, but I know how much I have to offer. I am not someone you lose if you have the opportunity to keep me. I am not someone you second guess cause ain’t no other like me. And there he was, speaking the words from my heart as if he just knew what it would say. He’d pushed past his own discomfort to meet me in this exploration space. No clue what we can be but no doubt it’s worth seeing. I see his effort, feel his commitment, and know his heart. His availability holds room for my emotions. His surprising maturity creates common ground for our differences. His openness fuels our growth. His goofiness breaks down my guards. His strength allows me to be soft. His genuineness matches the sleeves my heart rests on. When I reach out my hand, he squeezes back. If I was to take this leap, he’s provided a safe place to land. Who the fuck would have thought?! Lol.

Jhene Aiko sang, “‘Cause you bring so much hope to the picture. Some of us do find the one to fall in love and off of the fucking face of the earth with. Some of us do deserve it. A love that’s true and perfect. Some of us been through it all before. Some of us do still come back for more.” (New Balance) And it’s so true. Starting over is scary, trusting your heart in the hands of someone new is hard. But it’s worth it. No matter what part of the journey you’re in. If it’s the end of a chapter, I wish you healing and peace. If you’re starting a new one, I hope for happiness and fun. If you’re in the middle, may there be continuous evolution and unlimited experiences of the very best parts. Either way, may it be filled with love. He concluded, “This is the alpha stage in my life, new beginnings. Although I don’t know where it will go. I’m hopeful that we won’t have an Omega because I don’t want this story to end.” To the co-author of this whirlwind story, thank you for making it a beautiful romance thus far.

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